footprints in the sand.

This poem is really well know, but I thought I would still post it here because 
it has played such a significant role in my life.

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. 
Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. 

For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. 
One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, 
he looked back at the footprints in the sand. 
He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. 
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. 
LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. 
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! 
During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, 
it was then that I carried you.


-Carolyn Carty, 1963


Was 14 when I got that tattoo on my left foot, I had just started to walk with the Lord.
But I had read that poem over and over and over again since I was in kindergarten or first grade. 
It was written in really delicate calligraphy over a picture of a beautiful beach with rocks like you find up north and footprints on the sand. It hung in the bathroom of my Grandma Judy's house, 
where I lived for about 4 years as a young girl.

I remember every time I was brushing my teeth before bed I would look at it, I would quickly read over it and feel comfort, an odd sense of security and peace, but I didn't understand it.


My parents had left when I was 3, to serve a 7 year sentence in federal prison.
I don't have any recollection of hearing about God during those years.
And although I was reading this poem and I suppose at some level believing it was true, I was too young to comprehend what it meant and was never told what it meant to "follow" Him. 


It wasn't until I was 14, a freshman in High School that I can recall being introduced to the Good News. 
And when I heard it, it clicked, I thought of the poem that had produced feelings of security for me for years.
I looked back over all the pain I had suffered in my seemingly short life: the abandonment, the abuse, the loneliness, the broken promises, the unmet hopes... all of it. 
And I KNEW that although I hadn't know God, He had known me, and he had carried me


I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds [...]
Your path led through the sea, 
your way through the mighty waters, 
though your footprints were not seen"
-Psalm 77: 11-12 & 19




I rejoice in this biblical truth still, when I look down at that tattoo I am reminded that he carries me. 




I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
-John 14:18

"...For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, 
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..."
-Jeremiah 29:11


"Because he loves me," says the LORD, 
"I will rescue him; 
I will protect him, 
for he acknowledges my name. 
He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble, 
I will deliver him and honor him. 
With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."
-Psalm 91:14-16 


I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds [...]
Your path led through the sea, 
your way through the mighty waters, 
though your footprints were not seen"
-Psalm 77: 11-12 & 19
 

Source: borntomakeanimpact.tumblr.com via Kristen on Pinterest

My crutch = duty

I read this last night in John Pipers book When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy, its an excerpt from a letter from C.S. Lewis to "Joan" a child who wrote him on July 18, 1957.

"Provided the thing is in itself right, 

the more one likes it and the less one has to 

"try to be good," 

the better. 

A perfect man would never act from sense of duty; 

he'd always want the right thing more than the wrong one. 

Duty is only a substitute for love (of God and of other people), 

like a crutch, 

which is a substitute for a leg. 

Most of us need the crutch at times; 

but of course it's idiotic to use the crutch when our own legs (our own loves, tastes, habits, etc.) 

can do the journey on their own."

Wrecked. 

That's how I feel after reading and re-reading this quote.

Absolutely wrecked.

I have 'loved' in a really warped and disgusting way... I thought/still think(?) that it is best to "try to be good" and disregard feelings of like or dislike because they were fickle, fleeting and unreliable... 

Now I'm 23, married, and find that I don't know what love is.  I only know how to act our of a "sense of duty". I only know how to use my crutch.

I'm a big broken mess. Jesus please be near.

Pinable.

Thats right! These sweet quotes and photos are down right pinable!

Source: janefarr.blogspot.com via Kristen on Pinterest

Source: leslinlulu.tumblr.com via Kristen on Pinterest

[tonight is date night for us-- I think we might get lost somewhere]

Source: loveveggiesandyoga.com via Kristen on Pinterest

[I've made this every day since I pinned this last week!!! YUM!!]

midweek meditations.

"The grace of God frees us from perfectionism: The other-focused obsession of what people think of me" 

-Pastor Britt Merrick

I've talked about my struggle with perfectionism in past posts, like this one here. 

But when our pastor, Britt Merrick, said this last weekend I again was reminded of how often I fool myself to think I can do something perfectly...

Britt went through the book of Galatians on Sundays this Summer, and that is when I really began to see that I was being suffocated by my desire to "give 100% to everything". I'm sure you've heard others say this, or perhaps you struggle to do the impossible yourself...

Althought I fully understand fractions and percentages

somehow I missed that It was impossible for me to give 100% of my 

energy, effort, and passion 

to EVERYTHING.

And, not to mention, I totally knew that by thinking I could be perfect (I would never have said that was what I was trying to do of course) I was radically misunderstanding who God is and what my identity is... 

He is God, 

He is Perfect, 

I am Kristen, 

his daughter, 

wretched and sinful 

BUT made perfect in Jesus.

"What is most stable and most true about you is that you are holy unto God (a saint), 

because of your faith in Christ (The Holy one of God)"

-Britt Merrick

 

 

 

be encouraged.

picture: here.

Why must I go about mourning?

[Psalm 42:9]

Why do you allow your mind to dwell on gloomy thoughts? 

Who told you that night will never end in day?

Who told you that the winter of your discontent would continue from frost to frost and from snow, ice, and hail to even deeper snow and stronger storms of dispair?

Don't you know that day dawns after night, showers displace drought, and spring and summer follow winter?

Then, have hope! 

Hope forever, for God will not fail you!

[Charles H. Spurgeon]

Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning. 

[Psalm 30:5a]

 

Keep

Kristen has been really enjoying blogging so I thought I would get in on it. 

                                                  

Here goes: 

I was in Luke this morning during my quiet time, and when I read this I decided to do a little word study on keep:

'Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.' (Luke 17:33) 

Keep in the Greek according to Strong's Concordance means variously; I acquire, earn, purchase, make my own, preserve alive, properly or fully acquire, reserve for myself with deep personal interest or caring.

'…the church of God, which he bought or purchased (kept) with his own blood.' (Acts 20:28b)

This verse in Acts contains the same word as the verse in Luke. 

Behind the command of Luke is the deep, comforting reality of Acts: I (and all the church, really) am now kept by the Lord, and so I do not need to keep, preserve, or reserve my own life.

God has answered Cain's question, 'Am I my brother’s keeper?' with his own body, making Himself the keeper of all men.  I have been wholly acquired by Christ, and reserved for himself and his purposes. I am kept with deep, tender care by Christ's own blood and at a great cost to Himself.  Christ came to tie up the strong man and take his possessions, to redeem this man's prisoners for Himself, to purchase men for Himself from every tribe, tongue, and nation, to keep me. (Gen. 4:9, Matt. 10:29, Rev. 5:9)

I have died, and my life is now hidden with Christ in God. (Col. 3:3)

So, when Paul says that in every city, 'the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me.  However I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me,'  he knows that he is kept by the Lord. (Acts 20:23-24)

And, when Hudson Taylor wrote to his children during a hard season of running China Inland Mission 'the dear Lord Jesus who never leaves…says, 'Don’t be afraid; I will keep your heart satisfied'…I wish you, my precious children, knew what it is to give your hearts to Jesus to keep everyday.  I used to try to keep my own heart right, but it would always be going wrong.  So at last I had to give up trying myself, and to accept the Lord’s offer to keep it for me,' he knew he was kept by the Lord.

And, when Jesus, thinking of the cross and his very near passion, said,

'Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say?

‘Father, save me from this hour?’

No it was for this very reason I came to this hour.

Father, glorify your name!' He knew He was kept by the Lord. (John 12:27-28)

Jesus, and Paul, and Hudson knew that we are kept by the all-powerful hand of God. 

And so they willingly laid their lives down, poured them out, and became an offering for the One who had bought them so He could keep them.

'I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies it remains only a single seed.  But if it dies, it produces many seeds.  The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.  Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be.' (John 12:24-26)

Jesus’ words refer to Himself, but also now to me.  They call me, challenge me, and convict me.  If I will be His servant I must follow Him. 

Where? 

To the cross where he died.  To death and suffering, because that is where Christ was. 

Behind this hard teaching is the reality that I am kept by God already.  And I am not left as an orphan; I have One who comes from the Father living in me always.

But still, it is hard to know that following my Lord means that I must no longer keep my life for myself, and must walk the narrow path of faithful, obedient, poured out suffering. 

I don't know exactly what this means.  What kind of suffering am I called to?  What will I have to give up?  How much will I lose?  Will it hurt?

I suspect that I am asking all the wrong questions; after all, Jesus says to me, anyone who loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matt. 10:39)

But I have not suffered much in my life, and so suffering and loss seems scary.  But Jesus says to me, Do not let your heart be troubled. (John 14:1) 

And so I pray that I will have the courage and strength to trust in God’s keeping of me, and walk faithfully.  I know that this path has been walked by Christ, and Paul, and Hudson, and thousands more as well.  And I know that I am not alone in walking it.

But still.

I only pray that I am soon able to say not, 'Father, save me from this suffering,' but 'Father, glorify your name!'

And I trust that the Lord will keep my heart, and that it is to God's glory that I bear much fruit in faithfulness, and show myself to be His disciple. (John 15:8)

-Nick

Luke 17:33

Acts 20:22-38

Genesis 4:9

Matthew 12:29

 

Revelation 5:9 

Colossians 3:3

Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret

John 12:23-28

 

John 14:14-21

Matthew 10:38-39

John 14:1

John 15:8 

fair-weather faith.

  

Remember, our faith is always at its greatest point when we are in the middle of the trial, and confidence in the flesh will never endure testing. Fair-weather faith is not faith at all.

[Charles H. Spurgeon]