My crutch = duty

I read this last night in John Pipers book When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy, its an excerpt from a letter from C.S. Lewis to "Joan" a child who wrote him on July 18, 1957.

"Provided the thing is in itself right, 

the more one likes it and the less one has to 

"try to be good," 

the better. 

A perfect man would never act from sense of duty; 

he'd always want the right thing more than the wrong one. 

Duty is only a substitute for love (of God and of other people), 

like a crutch, 

which is a substitute for a leg. 

Most of us need the crutch at times; 

but of course it's idiotic to use the crutch when our own legs (our own loves, tastes, habits, etc.) 

can do the journey on their own."

Wrecked. 

That's how I feel after reading and re-reading this quote.

Absolutely wrecked.

I have 'loved' in a really warped and disgusting way... I thought/still think(?) that it is best to "try to be good" and disregard feelings of like or dislike because they were fickle, fleeting and unreliable... 

Now I'm 23, married, and find that I don't know what love is.  I only know how to act our of a "sense of duty". I only know how to use my crutch.

I'm a big broken mess. Jesus please be near.

a wise man once taught me.

"God uses men who are weak and feeble enough to lean on him"

-Hudson Taylor

something to ponder.

Ecclesiastes

 I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
   and this was the reward for all my toil.

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
   and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
   nothing was gained under the sun. 

 There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

What do workers gain from their toil? 

I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 

I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 

That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 

I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

midweek meditations.

"The grace of God frees us from perfectionism: The other-focused obsession of what people think of me" 

-Pastor Britt Merrick

I've talked about my struggle with perfectionism in past posts, like this one here. 

But when our pastor, Britt Merrick, said this last weekend I again was reminded of how often I fool myself to think I can do something perfectly...

Britt went through the book of Galatians on Sundays this Summer, and that is when I really began to see that I was being suffocated by my desire to "give 100% to everything". I'm sure you've heard others say this, or perhaps you struggle to do the impossible yourself...

Althought I fully understand fractions and percentages

somehow I missed that It was impossible for me to give 100% of my 

energy, effort, and passion 

to EVERYTHING.

And, not to mention, I totally knew that by thinking I could be perfect (I would never have said that was what I was trying to do of course) I was radically misunderstanding who God is and what my identity is... 

He is God, 

He is Perfect, 

I am Kristen, 

his daughter, 

wretched and sinful 

BUT made perfect in Jesus.

"What is most stable and most true about you is that you are holy unto God (a saint), 

because of your faith in Christ (The Holy one of God)"

-Britt Merrick

 

 

 

a bright idea.

As I've fumbled through the entryway of the blog world over the past couple of months there are a few basic {really really basic}  things I have learned...

• layout
• interlinks
• bloglovin via facebook
• how to add a playlist

But as I have made steps forward, I have created a list of many more things I'm still trying to figure out...

• html! [defeats me every time]
• pages!! [i go back and forth--do I want this? is it helpful for followers? do 6 people count as a following?]
• how the heck do people find time to keep up on posting?!!!

One thing that I have enjoyed about other blogs that I keep an eye on, is that they have unique features. For instance, Aran, from Cannelle et Vanille, is writing a cookbook and she takes magnificent photographs of the food she makes. I know to go to here blog whenever am looking for a recipe for a gluten free baked good!
Or on Thursday's I can pop over to The Daybook and Sydney will have a witty Awesome and Awkward post sure to make me giggle. Not to mention she has great style and I always find myself thinking I could pull that off, right?
Although I'm not a mommy yet, I LOVE reading Joanna's: Motherhood Monday posts at A CUP OF JO.

So today I'm wondering... how do I give this blog some structure? How do I take my ramblings and turn them into something that is enjoyable, fun, beautiful, dare I say... helpful?

So starting Monday I'm going to try something... MY MONDAY PINTERST FIND.
[everyone that's ever started a board loves pinterest. So I thought I'd pick a pin each monday and share it so that we can start the week off with something fresh and fun and hopefully inspiring!]
Then midweek I'll post a 'meditation' something I've read, heard, or I'm learning and share it with you [my loyal 6 followers]. I hope this will be something God can use to refocus me (us) in the middle of our busy weeks.
Then last... On Friday I'll focus on eating gluten free. I've talked a little about my diet restrictions here, but in the coming weeks hope to share more about the process of learning to cook gluten free.

So, I'll see you Monday!