Christmas fun.

CHRISTMAS QUIZ (idea found here)

 

1. Egg nog or hot chocolate? Hot chocolate
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? no kiddos, no Santa
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? white only white!
4. Do you hang mistletoe? ALWAYS.

5. When do you put your decorations up? the weekend after Thanksgiving
6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Amber's Potatoes (family recipe) and tamales
7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? listening to the Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas CD and decorating the tree with my mom and dad.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I don't remember if I ever believed in Santa or not.
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? OooOoh YAH!
10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? white lights, homemade sea glass ornaments and a few randoms from mom.

11. Snow! Love it or dread it? Love it, probably because we don't get it here in Santa Barbara...
12. Can you ice skate? Ya.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Nicholas made me a log cabin stocking hook for our first Christmas married and he wrote a poem on the bottom that told me he was taking me to the mountains for a weekend-- so romantic!
14. What’s the most important thing about the holidays for you? enjoying Jesus with our family and friends.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? pecan pie has always been my favorite. I haven't had one since we found out I'm allergic to wheat though.
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? hum... reading Luke chapters 1 and 2 on Christmas morning.
17. What tops your tree? a silly wood star that is attached to a metal hanger, haha, we need to do something about that... 

18. Which do you prefer: giving or receiving? both. I love receiving gifts! I feel so loved when someone has spent time thinking about what I would like (love language?? I'd say YES). But I also love that in our family we make each others gifts. It make giving really special because you have put so much thought and time into it.

a homemade Christmas gift from my sweet friends Brandon and Nikki

19. Candy canes: yuck or yummy? the original ones are yummy the fruit flavored ones are yuck!
20. Favorite Christmas movie? The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.
21. Saddest Christmas song? umm... strange question, I don't know.
22. What is your favorite Christmas song? Silent Night

footprints in the sand.

This poem is really well know, but I thought I would still post it here because 
it has played such a significant role in my life.

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. 
Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. 

For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. 
One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, 
he looked back at the footprints in the sand. 
He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. 
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. 
LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. 
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! 
During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, 
it was then that I carried you.


-Carolyn Carty, 1963


Was 14 when I got that tattoo on my left foot, I had just started to walk with the Lord.
But I had read that poem over and over and over again since I was in kindergarten or first grade. 
It was written in really delicate calligraphy over a picture of a beautiful beach with rocks like you find up north and footprints on the sand. It hung in the bathroom of my Grandma Judy's house, 
where I lived for about 4 years as a young girl.

I remember every time I was brushing my teeth before bed I would look at it, I would quickly read over it and feel comfort, an odd sense of security and peace, but I didn't understand it.


My parents had left when I was 3, to serve a 7 year sentence in federal prison.
I don't have any recollection of hearing about God during those years.
And although I was reading this poem and I suppose at some level believing it was true, I was too young to comprehend what it meant and was never told what it meant to "follow" Him. 


It wasn't until I was 14, a freshman in High School that I can recall being introduced to the Good News. 
And when I heard it, it clicked, I thought of the poem that had produced feelings of security for me for years.
I looked back over all the pain I had suffered in my seemingly short life: the abandonment, the abuse, the loneliness, the broken promises, the unmet hopes... all of it. 
And I KNEW that although I hadn't know God, He had known me, and he had carried me


I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds [...]
Your path led through the sea, 
your way through the mighty waters, 
though your footprints were not seen"
-Psalm 77: 11-12 & 19




I rejoice in this biblical truth still, when I look down at that tattoo I am reminded that he carries me. 




I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
-John 14:18

"...For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, 
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..."
-Jeremiah 29:11


"Because he loves me," says the LORD, 
"I will rescue him; 
I will protect him, 
for he acknowledges my name. 
He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble, 
I will deliver him and honor him. 
With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."
-Psalm 91:14-16 


I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds [...]
Your path led through the sea, 
your way through the mighty waters, 
though your footprints were not seen"
-Psalm 77: 11-12 & 19
 

Source: borntomakeanimpact.tumblr.com via Kristen on Pinterest

My crutch = duty

I read this last night in John Pipers book When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy, its an excerpt from a letter from C.S. Lewis to "Joan" a child who wrote him on July 18, 1957.

"Provided the thing is in itself right, 

the more one likes it and the less one has to 

"try to be good," 

the better. 

A perfect man would never act from sense of duty; 

he'd always want the right thing more than the wrong one. 

Duty is only a substitute for love (of God and of other people), 

like a crutch, 

which is a substitute for a leg. 

Most of us need the crutch at times; 

but of course it's idiotic to use the crutch when our own legs (our own loves, tastes, habits, etc.) 

can do the journey on their own."

Wrecked. 

That's how I feel after reading and re-reading this quote.

Absolutely wrecked.

I have 'loved' in a really warped and disgusting way... I thought/still think(?) that it is best to "try to be good" and disregard feelings of like or dislike because they were fickle, fleeting and unreliable... 

Now I'm 23, married, and find that I don't know what love is.  I only know how to act our of a "sense of duty". I only know how to use my crutch.

I'm a big broken mess. Jesus please be near.

a wise man once taught me.

"God uses men who are weak and feeble enough to lean on him"

-Hudson Taylor

something to ponder.

Ecclesiastes

 I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
   and this was the reward for all my toil.

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
   and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
   nothing was gained under the sun. 

 There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

What do workers gain from their toil? 

I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 

I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 

That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 

I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Pinable.

Thats right! These sweet quotes and photos are down right pinable!

Source: janefarr.blogspot.com via Kristen on Pinterest

Source: leslinlulu.tumblr.com via Kristen on Pinterest

[tonight is date night for us-- I think we might get lost somewhere]

Source: loveveggiesandyoga.com via Kristen on Pinterest

[I've made this every day since I pinned this last week!!! YUM!!]

midweek meditations.

"The grace of God frees us from perfectionism: The other-focused obsession of what people think of me" 

-Pastor Britt Merrick

I've talked about my struggle with perfectionism in past posts, like this one here. 

But when our pastor, Britt Merrick, said this last weekend I again was reminded of how often I fool myself to think I can do something perfectly...

Britt went through the book of Galatians on Sundays this Summer, and that is when I really began to see that I was being suffocated by my desire to "give 100% to everything". I'm sure you've heard others say this, or perhaps you struggle to do the impossible yourself...

Althought I fully understand fractions and percentages

somehow I missed that It was impossible for me to give 100% of my 

energy, effort, and passion 

to EVERYTHING.

And, not to mention, I totally knew that by thinking I could be perfect (I would never have said that was what I was trying to do of course) I was radically misunderstanding who God is and what my identity is... 

He is God, 

He is Perfect, 

I am Kristen, 

his daughter, 

wretched and sinful 

BUT made perfect in Jesus.

"What is most stable and most true about you is that you are holy unto God (a saint), 

because of your faith in Christ (The Holy one of God)"

-Britt Merrick

 

 

 

city silliness.

Last weekend Nick and I got travel with some of our good friends to Minneapolis, Minnesota to go to the Finish the Mission Conference hosted by Desiring God (John Piper). It was an amazing time. Here is a little photo recap of our trip...

#1 thank you random photographer for capturing a picture of our group (everyone minus Nick)
#2 photo credit: Amber Smith
#3-5 photo credit: Cassie Koval 
#6 I took this with Cassie's phone at Ike's 

We had an amazing time at the conference learning from men that are anointed by God to teach preach and cast vision! Our team grew closer together as we exploring the city, mastered public transit and spent hours and hours debriefing. We are going to have dinner together tomorrow night and talk more about what we have been reflecting on. Nick and I are really excited about the ways we feel the Lord leading us to approach this new season as a team of senders and mobilizers at Reality.

Desiring God Conference messages

be encouraged.

picture: here.

Why must I go about mourning?

[Psalm 42:9]

Why do you allow your mind to dwell on gloomy thoughts? 

Who told you that night will never end in day?

Who told you that the winter of your discontent would continue from frost to frost and from snow, ice, and hail to even deeper snow and stronger storms of dispair?

Don't you know that day dawns after night, showers displace drought, and spring and summer follow winter?

Then, have hope! 

Hope forever, for God will not fail you!

[Charles H. Spurgeon]

Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning. 

[Psalm 30:5a]

 

Keep

Kristen has been really enjoying blogging so I thought I would get in on it. 

                                                  

Here goes: 

I was in Luke this morning during my quiet time, and when I read this I decided to do a little word study on keep:

'Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.' (Luke 17:33) 

Keep in the Greek according to Strong's Concordance means variously; I acquire, earn, purchase, make my own, preserve alive, properly or fully acquire, reserve for myself with deep personal interest or caring.

'…the church of God, which he bought or purchased (kept) with his own blood.' (Acts 20:28b)

This verse in Acts contains the same word as the verse in Luke. 

Behind the command of Luke is the deep, comforting reality of Acts: I (and all the church, really) am now kept by the Lord, and so I do not need to keep, preserve, or reserve my own life.

God has answered Cain's question, 'Am I my brother’s keeper?' with his own body, making Himself the keeper of all men.  I have been wholly acquired by Christ, and reserved for himself and his purposes. I am kept with deep, tender care by Christ's own blood and at a great cost to Himself.  Christ came to tie up the strong man and take his possessions, to redeem this man's prisoners for Himself, to purchase men for Himself from every tribe, tongue, and nation, to keep me. (Gen. 4:9, Matt. 10:29, Rev. 5:9)

I have died, and my life is now hidden with Christ in God. (Col. 3:3)

So, when Paul says that in every city, 'the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me.  However I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me,'  he knows that he is kept by the Lord. (Acts 20:23-24)

And, when Hudson Taylor wrote to his children during a hard season of running China Inland Mission 'the dear Lord Jesus who never leaves…says, 'Don’t be afraid; I will keep your heart satisfied'…I wish you, my precious children, knew what it is to give your hearts to Jesus to keep everyday.  I used to try to keep my own heart right, but it would always be going wrong.  So at last I had to give up trying myself, and to accept the Lord’s offer to keep it for me,' he knew he was kept by the Lord.

And, when Jesus, thinking of the cross and his very near passion, said,

'Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say?

‘Father, save me from this hour?’

No it was for this very reason I came to this hour.

Father, glorify your name!' He knew He was kept by the Lord. (John 12:27-28)

Jesus, and Paul, and Hudson knew that we are kept by the all-powerful hand of God. 

And so they willingly laid their lives down, poured them out, and became an offering for the One who had bought them so He could keep them.

'I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies it remains only a single seed.  But if it dies, it produces many seeds.  The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.  Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be.' (John 12:24-26)

Jesus’ words refer to Himself, but also now to me.  They call me, challenge me, and convict me.  If I will be His servant I must follow Him. 

Where? 

To the cross where he died.  To death and suffering, because that is where Christ was. 

Behind this hard teaching is the reality that I am kept by God already.  And I am not left as an orphan; I have One who comes from the Father living in me always.

But still, it is hard to know that following my Lord means that I must no longer keep my life for myself, and must walk the narrow path of faithful, obedient, poured out suffering. 

I don't know exactly what this means.  What kind of suffering am I called to?  What will I have to give up?  How much will I lose?  Will it hurt?

I suspect that I am asking all the wrong questions; after all, Jesus says to me, anyone who loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matt. 10:39)

But I have not suffered much in my life, and so suffering and loss seems scary.  But Jesus says to me, Do not let your heart be troubled. (John 14:1) 

And so I pray that I will have the courage and strength to trust in God’s keeping of me, and walk faithfully.  I know that this path has been walked by Christ, and Paul, and Hudson, and thousands more as well.  And I know that I am not alone in walking it.

But still.

I only pray that I am soon able to say not, 'Father, save me from this suffering,' but 'Father, glorify your name!'

And I trust that the Lord will keep my heart, and that it is to God's glory that I bear much fruit in faithfulness, and show myself to be His disciple. (John 15:8)

-Nick

Luke 17:33

Acts 20:22-38

Genesis 4:9

Matthew 12:29

 

Revelation 5:9 

Colossians 3:3

Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret

John 12:23-28

 

John 14:14-21

Matthew 10:38-39

John 14:1

John 15:8 

fair-weather faith.

  

Remember, our faith is always at its greatest point when we are in the middle of the trial, and confidence in the flesh will never endure testing. Fair-weather faith is not faith at all.

[Charles H. Spurgeon]

Glory.

Reality SB Launch - Time Lapse from Reality on Vimeo.

Straining.

 found here.

Be all at rest, my soul, for rest is service, 

To the still heart God does His secrets tell;

Thus will you learn to wait, and watch, and labor,

Strengthened to bear, since Christ in you does dwell.

[Freda Hanbury Allen]

Today Nicholas and I were having breakfast with some friend and we started to talk about the pressure of the 'shoulds' in our lives. For a long time now I have struggled with feeling alone in this place, constantly 'trying', 'straining' and 'striving' to do good. To do what I should. 

But in the past few weeks it has become really evident that I am not alone. That a lot of people in my life are also feeling the pressure of what they should be doing, how they should be serving, and who they should be helping...

In my devotional a few days ago I read this:

"Straining and striving does not accomplish the work God gives us to do. 

Only God Himself, 

who always works without stress and strain and who never overworks, 

can do the work He assigns to His children. 

When we restfully trust Him to do it, 

the work will be completed and will be done well. 

And the way to let Him do His work through us is to so fully abide in Christ by faith that He fills us to overflowing" 

[Streams in the Desert] 

As I reflected on these truths this weekend I realized something. Always trying to do what I should do, has left me tired and frustrated. Not rested and overflowing! I don't have time to do all the things I feel I should do, or I feel other people think I should do! 

It also means that I have never figured out what I like to do. Or what I was created to do! 

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" [Ephesians 2:10].

This is a big epiphany for me... I don't know what I like to do! I don't know what I'm passionate about, I don't know what I'm excited about, or what I am good at... I mean I'm good at things. But things that I have had to do, not necessarily things I would chose to do. 

{This may be a ridiculous post, one very few can relate to... 

but for me, it may be one of the most important posts I have, or ever will write}

So, instead of doing more of what I think I should be doing, I am going to explore, I'm going to find out who He created me to be!

Am I a writer? (probably not...)

photographer?

can I paint?

Do I enjoy creating recipes?

dancing?

playing the guitar or piano, maybe the violin?

gardening? surfing? backpacking? 

I'm excited to find out more about who I am, and to stop straining to be who I feel I'm supposed to be.

I'll stand.

from here

I do not ask that He must prove

His Word is True to me,

And that before I can believe

He first must let me see.

It is enough for me to know

It's true because He say it's so;

On His unchanging Word I'll stand

And trust till I can understand.

[E.M. Winter]

memory lane. part 1

Nicholas and I had our first date in January 2007.  I was living in San Diego, teaching preschool and trying to get through community college and he was home for Christmas break. 

He had grown up in San Diego but was studying in Santa Barbara at a private Christian College called Westmont. 

When it was time for him to go back to school, 3 and a half hours away, we prayed a lot about what to do with this new relationship that neither of us had been looking for.

 
[funny story--a few weeks ago my mother-in-law told me that over thanksgiving 2006 Nicholas had told her that he didn't want to be in a relationship he just wanted to be on his own for a while, haha.. that lasted what a month!]

We both felt strongly that there was something bigger than we understood going on, and decided we could give a long distance relationship a shot...  

[I'm pretty sure we even said something to the effect of 'we'll take it day by day, and it doesn't work out at least we wont regret not trying']

I had no idea what I was agreeing to.

photo 1. picnic dinner adventure 
photo 2. saying goodbye before he flew to England (we fake 'happy' well! there were a lot of tears)
photo 3. spring formal (Alexis, Nicholas' sister was in her freshman year at Westmont, so we got to go with her and her date... who was taking the picture)

Nicholas went to the Middle East for the month of May 2007, and then In September left for Oxford to study abroad for a semester. 

Long distance was proving to be really difficult but also a beautiful adventure! 

We never could have guessed what God had is store for our future.

Part 2... Thanksgiving in England....

DWELL

I pray that out of his glorious riches

he may strengthen you with power

through his Spirit in your inner being,

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts

through faith.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,

may have power, together with all

the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and 

long and high and deep is the love of Christ,

and to know this love that surpasses knowledge

--that you may be filled to the measure

of all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:16-19

Dwell- verb

1. to live or stay as a permanent resident; reside.

2. to live or continue in a given condition or state.

3. to linger over

This verse has been hanging on my wall since we got back for Asia. I know I haven't talked a lot about our experience there yet but that's probably a good thing, because I'm still trying to shuffle through what happened... what we saw, who we met, what we learned.

I'm still wrestling through how two people could have the same experience but experience it differently. 

Anyway. I was changed, I am different from before... and a lot of that is because I was stripped.

In my life there have been many, MANY times I have had to walk by faith... you know, "trust". But two months ago, on the other side of the Earth, I found myself in a really dark place,  and I think for the first time since I started following Jesus I realized how little faith I have. I realized how little I understand about this word dwell.

I found myself empty, not full.

I found myself floundering, not rooted.

I found myself unworthy, not understanding love.

I found myself really desperate... realizing that I did not have a functioning understanding of the gospel (true love).

You see, I have a major issue, I try really really hard to be PERFECT... perhaps an even bigger issue i have, is that I'm pretty good at being "good"...

I like how it feels 

+ 

I like how it makes me look 

+

I like being right

= 

I work really hard at it.

I've know I've had an issue with being religious, verging on legalistic ... and that never really (still don't) understood grace.  ("i'm pretty good... grace for what?"... wow right, I know! don't judge)

So I'm going back to the basics... (never should have left) I needed a good swift kick in the rear, I needed to look at my imperfections, to feel a lot of feelings I had been avoiding in an attempt at being "good", and I needed to have some space, remove myself from all my good deeds, I took a break from my checklist of:
prayer nights
bible studies
quiet times
and I just spent so time dwelling. and I'm not going to stop...
I've had much more time to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.

faith.is.

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; 

it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.

{Hebrews 11:1}

we went in faith...

they welcomed us in faith...

now we pray... by faith... what next?

Faith is risking what is for what is yet to be. 

It is taking small steps knowing they lead to bigger ones. 

Faith is holding on when you want to let go. 

It is letting go when you want to hold on. 

Faith is hearing God’s yes when everything else says no. 

It is believing all things are possible in the midst of impossibilities. 

Faith is looking beyond what is for what is yet to be. 

It is seeing the Light in darkness, the presence of God in all.

{Ellen M. Cuomo}