Straining.

 found here.

Be all at rest, my soul, for rest is service, 

To the still heart God does His secrets tell;

Thus will you learn to wait, and watch, and labor,

Strengthened to bear, since Christ in you does dwell.

[Freda Hanbury Allen]

Today Nicholas and I were having breakfast with some friend and we started to talk about the pressure of the 'shoulds' in our lives. For a long time now I have struggled with feeling alone in this place, constantly 'trying', 'straining' and 'striving' to do good. To do what I should. 

But in the past few weeks it has become really evident that I am not alone. That a lot of people in my life are also feeling the pressure of what they should be doing, how they should be serving, and who they should be helping...

In my devotional a few days ago I read this:

"Straining and striving does not accomplish the work God gives us to do. 

Only God Himself, 

who always works without stress and strain and who never overworks, 

can do the work He assigns to His children. 

When we restfully trust Him to do it, 

the work will be completed and will be done well. 

And the way to let Him do His work through us is to so fully abide in Christ by faith that He fills us to overflowing" 

[Streams in the Desert] 

As I reflected on these truths this weekend I realized something. Always trying to do what I should do, has left me tired and frustrated. Not rested and overflowing! I don't have time to do all the things I feel I should do, or I feel other people think I should do! 

It also means that I have never figured out what I like to do. Or what I was created to do! 

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" [Ephesians 2:10].

This is a big epiphany for me... I don't know what I like to do! I don't know what I'm passionate about, I don't know what I'm excited about, or what I am good at... I mean I'm good at things. But things that I have had to do, not necessarily things I would chose to do. 

{This may be a ridiculous post, one very few can relate to... 

but for me, it may be one of the most important posts I have, or ever will write}

So, instead of doing more of what I think I should be doing, I am going to explore, I'm going to find out who He created me to be!

Am I a writer? (probably not...)

photographer?

can I paint?

Do I enjoy creating recipes?

dancing?

playing the guitar or piano, maybe the violin?

gardening? surfing? backpacking? 

I'm excited to find out more about who I am, and to stop straining to be who I feel I'm supposed to be.